This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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