i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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