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They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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