I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
