forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Your dad touched me again.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize