this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
