just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
