remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
