So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
