ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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