If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
