this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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