I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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