Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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