I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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