I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
