3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
