first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The uberlube is also flammable
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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