thus making me awesome and them whores
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
