i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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