david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
