you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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