I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize