dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
