my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize