11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think i peed on brittanys purse
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
