just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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