I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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