I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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