sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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