I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
