i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
