Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
