Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
