that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
