you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
