also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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