they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
