How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I did not marry a roomba.
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