a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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