he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize