Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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