that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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