I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize