craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize