i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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