Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
