dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
