I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
