Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
