Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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