Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
