I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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