So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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