dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
