I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize