All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
