my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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