we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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