yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
