What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
