Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
