i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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