It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
