Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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