Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
