Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just made my gag reflex go away.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
