It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
