You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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