You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize