dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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